July 29 - Merci, Part Un

Another good day for Our Boy. He wasn't into his bottle this morning and he had to be awakened (awoken? awaked? I hate English) to eat this afternoon. Some days will just be sleepier than others I guess; it's just important that he get a bottle at the same time everyday. Nurse S emphasized the importance of consistency with Max. Before last week he had gone eight days without bottle feeding attempts. It's sooo easy to make excuses to not do it -- he's sleeping too peacefully, he's too cranky, he's too this, he's too that.... But keeping him going and challenged will be essential to his growing. No coasting for Beebee Matts, not even when he is as cute as this picture here.

His platelets are 55,000 -- a landmark number. Dr. R2 explained that while there is not much difference between 46K and 55K, there's a HUGE difference between 20K and 55K. Onward and upward..... His LFTs returned some numbers up and others down, but nothing to cause concern said Dr. R2.

OKAY....

I feel fairly confident in saying that our days in the NICU are numbered. Dr. R2 is kicking us out Friday (insert usual caveats here). I have filled his prescriptions, arranged for delivery of his medical equipment, coordinated with the night nurse team, and scheduled his appointments with the audiologist, developmental pediatrician, and Early Childhood Intervention (for PT, OT, and, eventually, speech therapy). More appointments will come with the cardiologist, pulmonologist, GI doctor, hematologist, and ongoing pediatrician.

And thank you, Stephen, for your ongoing comments. It's good to know I'm not talking into the wind. Some people are comfortable talking without an audience (Dad) while others aren't.

So let me take a moment and reflect on what I have become thankful for over the last three months. I have some time and I think it's important to remember all the good that has come from Max' hospital stay. I'm starting with my inner circle first, since this will be the first part of several....

(1) I am thankful for my parents. They are the bedrock of this crazy family and an unending and tireless source of strength and comfort to me. I don't know how I would have survived without them. My mother is my kindred spirit and the most wonderful person, sounding board and friend who I often feel unworthy to have. And as much as I bitch about my father, this world would make no sense without him in it. So many of the traits that annoy me about him are strangely the traits that I possess and expect everyone else to embrace.

(2) I am thankful for my sister Melissa. Quite unexpectedly (I'm just being honest), she and I have developed a really cool friendship. We of course know each other really well, but our relationship went to a whole different level. We celebrated today at what will likely be our last lunch out for a very long time, and I will miss our discussions about everything from religion to what's the latest gossip on TMZ.com.

(3) I am thankful for my parents-in-law. Admittedly I am not the easiest person in the world to get to know, and I may have a tiny issue or two asking for help. They will forever have a most special place in my heart for coming to our rescue over many weekends and for just being part of this family who love and support us.

(4) I am thankful for my daughter Meaghan. What an awesome person she's becoming. There have been so many days when if I didn't have her, I could have crawled into a psychological hole and not emerge. Her face, her presence, her everything made me smile and laugh when I didn't think I could. (Now if we can just work on this "I said no, Mommy" business :-))

(5) Last, I am thankful for my dear husband Phoo. (No snide comments about being fifth on the list... I saved the best for last.) I really believe that he and I are meant to be together, till death do us part. Now whether that means he'll kill me before I get him is anyone's guess. I cannot imagine going through such grief, frustration, and turmoil with anyone else and not wanting to behead him at the end of it. And that comment should make perfect sense to those of you who know me really, really well. I can only hope he knows how much I love him and how without him, I would be truly lost. He is my best friend, my One True Love, and an awesome daddy to our children.

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Wellllll, that's enough of an outpouring tonight. It might take a week or two to recover from revealing this much emotion in a semi-public forum. But I mean every word of it and for those I have thanked, they deserve to know how I really feel. And no, I haven't been drinking.